Coping With Grief During the Holidays: 10 Gentle Tips
The holidays are supposed to feel warm and joyful. When you are grieving, they can feel like a spotlight on who is missing. The empty chair, the traditions that used to be theirs, the songs in every store — it can all hurt more than you expected.
Whether this is your first holiday season after a loss or your tenth, here are ten gentle ways to get through it, from a counselor who works with grief every day here in the New River Valley.
1. Expect it to be hard — and let that be okay
There is no right way to feel this season. Joy and sorrow can show up in the same hour. Giving yourself permission to feel both takes away some of the pressure.
2. Decide ahead what you can handle
You don’t have to say yes to every party, meal or tradition. Look at the calendar and choose what feels meaningful and manageable. It’s fine to arrive late, leave early, or skip something this year.
3. Keep, change or pause traditions
Some families find comfort in doing everything the same. Others need something new — a different location, a smaller gathering, a volunteer morning. Talk with the people close to you about what you each need.
4. Make space to remember
Light a candle, set out a photo, cook their favorite dish, or share stories at the table. Naming the person you miss often brings relief to everyone who was afraid to bring them up.
5. Have an exit plan
Before a gathering, decide how you’ll step away if emotions rise — a walk outside, a quiet room, or a signal to a trusted person. Knowing you can leave makes it easier to go.
6. Tell people what helps
Friends often want to help but don’t know how. Be specific: “Please say her name,” “Can you sit with me at dinner?” or “I’d rather not talk about it today.”
7. Care for your body
Grief is exhausting. Protect your sleep, eat regular meals, get outside in daylight, and go easy on alcohol, which can deepen low moods.
8. Watch for the hardest days
Anniversaries, birthdays and specific holidays often hit harder than expected. Plan something gentle for those dates rather than hoping they’ll pass unnoticed.
9. Help children and teens grieve too
Kids grieve in bursts — sad one moment, playing the next. Use simple, honest words, keep routines steady, and invite them to help choose a way to remember.
10. Reach out for support
Grief is not something to “get over,” but it shouldn’t keep you stuck. Consider counseling if, months later, you still can’t function at work or home, feel numb or hopeless, avoid everything that reminds you of the person, or are using alcohol or other substances to cope.
If you ever have thoughts of not wanting to live, please call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7.
Grief counseling in Christiansburg and online
At That Counseling Place, grief counseling is a space to talk about the person you lost, make sense of complicated feelings like guilt or anger, and find ways to carry their memory forward. I work with adults and teens, in person in Christiansburg or by telehealth anywhere in Virginia — helpful when getting out the door feels like too much.
We accept many insurance plans, including Medicare (Palmetto), Anthem, Aetna, Cigna, Humana, Tricare and Virginia Medicaid plans, and offer a sliding scale.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel worse during the holidays? Yes. Holidays highlight absence, and many people notice grief rising from November through January.
How do I know if my grief needs counseling? If it is keeping you from daily life for a long time, or you feel stuck, numb or hopeless, talking with a therapist can help.
Can I do grief counseling online? Yes. Telehealth sessions are available anywhere in Virginia.
You don’t have to carry this alone
If this season feels heavier than you can manage, reach out. Call 540-944-4994 or email selina@thatcounselingplace.com to schedule a session.
This article is for general information and is not a substitute for professional care.
